I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
