He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
