"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
