Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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