shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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