Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
