I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Sober January is a disaster.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
