I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
