U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
