Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
