Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize