I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
