I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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