Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my shit smells like andre
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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