i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
