Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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