I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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