It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
