You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
