fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
