Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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