remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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