He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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