Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
