I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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