hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
