During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
