I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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