cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
