Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
