Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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