I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sarcasm needs its own font
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
