i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
