I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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