I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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