a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
