just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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