Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
