Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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