so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
