remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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