so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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