You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
