I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
