you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
