Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
