I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
