Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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