Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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