Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
