He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
