I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
