K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want nice things and good sex
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
