you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
