i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
