Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
