I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
