Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
