shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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