Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
