Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
