just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
