I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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