Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
