I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
