Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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