Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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