i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
