girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
