I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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