Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
