I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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