I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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