Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
